I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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