i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
