she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
