absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
