we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
