Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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