But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
