I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
