I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
