Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
