i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
