its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
