you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
