ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
