I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
