I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
