I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I deserve this hangover.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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