Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize