He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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