i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
