Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
