I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
