Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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