The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
