In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
