I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
