He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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