also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
being pregnant is like rehab
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
