He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
