I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
