We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
