This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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