I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
