Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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