I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
