Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
