I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
