I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's always time for handjobs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
