There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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