She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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