No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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