im having a threesome with these popsicles
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
