Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
