he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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