ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your penis caused this!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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