I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
