he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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