The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
