Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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