Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sext me about skeletons
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
