He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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