he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
