So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize