I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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