Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Found your dick twin last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
