It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
