i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
