You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
