i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
