Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
