i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
