no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
