I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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