How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
