Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
