I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
