i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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