Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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