Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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